![\"\"](\"https:\/\/feedingandrew.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/IMG_5100.jpg\" "\\"Swordfish\\"")
<\/a>\n\tSwordfish Baked with Pine Nuts and Raisins <\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Raising a child was the greatest decision of my life and even now when I look back on the last five years with Andrew, I can see how the times where he put me to the test can be transformed into a moving anecdote of childhood growing pains or fatherly devotion.\u00a0 However, looking back at a car wreck you survived and experiencing it in the moment are two very different things.\u00a0\u00a0 The phrase \u201cthey don\u2019t come with training manuals\u201d is one I have heard hundreds of times as a principal listening to child-rearing struggles.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lament really for how helpless you feel when trying to decide on the best course of action when your child is putting you to the test. \u00a0Many parents who had weathered child rearing and survived to tell the tale often gave the same tongue-in-cheek advice that the two most important tools I had for raising a well-adjusted child and surviving were alcohol and and the threat of Hell. This advice always came with a sheepish laugh that led me to believe they were only partly joking.<\/p>\n
Really, I can’t imagine any adult life without an occasional good bottle of wine and as a parent there have been numerous evenings after Andrew has gone to bed that I’ve said a little prayer for the grape. \u00a0Although it’s probably more true that alcohol would be most effective given to a child prior to a confrontation or melt down in a sort of \u201cspoon full of sugar\u201d way, \u201cHere honey, just one more sip of your martini and cleaning your room won\u2019t seem so horrible at all. Don\u2019t forget to eat all of your olives,\u201d in most cases I think one should keep that tool as a parental salve for licking wounds after bedtime or when the kids are at grandma\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Now the concept of Hell, that\u2019s different. \u00a0Teaching a child to have a good healthy appreciation for damnation gives parents some really big guns for backing up the family rules.\u00a0 It\u2019s the ultimate spanking, a kind of timeout for time and all eternity.\u00a0 Used judiciously, it can be extremely effective in behavior modification and best of all, the neighbors will never call Social Service on you! \u00a0It turns out that Andrew beat me to the punch and gave me a preview of hell when I took him to church on our first weekend together.<\/p>\n
The plan was to go to Mass and then walk over to the Santa Monica pier, eat lunch and maybe take in a ride or two.\u00a0\u00a0 It was all going fine until we got inside the church and sat down.\u00a0 The squirming started at once and progressively got worse as the priest moved toward us as he led the procession towards the altar.\u00a0 All I could think of were an array of lines from the Exorcist and would have laughed, except by the time the priest intoned, \u201cIn the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,\u201d Andrew had scrunched down and contorted his body on the pew with his legs flying in the air and violently kicked the bench in front of us.\u00a0 We were out of the church before the Father could say Amen.\u00a0 When he did, I couldn\u2019t help but think his \u201cmay it be so\u201d was a grateful response to our scurrying out the door.<\/p>\n
Although I was angry, more than anything I was saddened that my own need for spiritual renewal had been taken from me.\u00a0\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t expected Andrew to react like that and it threw me; I wasn\u2019t sure how to proceed.\u00a0\u00a0 More importantly, it forced me stop and think about what my motivation was for taking Andrew to church. \u00a0It\u2019s one thing to negotiate the good, bad, and ugly of organized religions for yourself as an adult, but how do you teach your child about it when you find it both staggeringly beautiful and at the same time incredibly problematic. \u00a0As much as I liked the idea of \u00a0built in “crime and punishment” \u00a0for helping Andrew to make good choices, it really wasn’t my motivation.<\/p>\n
The answers did not come right away, but even without a clear understanding of what I wanted from all of this, I continued to take him to church.\u00a0 I think Andrew could feel my own insecurities about bringing him up Catholic, and he would often press me for an answer as to why.\u00a0 Sometimes the questions arose out of anger. Having to go church and interrupt his personal agenda could ignite a flurry of questions, but more often than not, they would flow after hearing a story about church hypocrisy and exclusion as with the Prop 8 struggle in California.\u00a0 At other times, the questions came from something he heard in the Sunday reading or a tidbit from the homily that completely escaped my attention but touched on the intricacies of the human heart.\u00a0 Questions have also been raised when he\u2019s been confronted with the destruction of natural disasters or on reflecting on our human capacity for empathy in response to them.\u00a0 Whether from the shadows of our collective broken souls or the light of humanity at its best, his questions have confounded me and uplifted me in ways my own musings haven\u2019t for years.<\/p>\n
These discussions have produced some of my most profound moments with Andrew and it was after a particularly heated discussion that I finally saw the light.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know dad, religion is just man\u2019s attempt at trying to make meaning out of the universe.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I believe any of it.\u00a0 I think I believe in God.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, you only have to look around and see that things exist to wonder about, but I don\u2019t know if I want to be Catholic.\u201d I suddenly knew what it was that I so desperately desired for my son.<\/p>\n
\u201cAndrew, you are absolutely right.\u00a0 Religion is man\u2019s struggle to make meaning out of life.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I can still go to a church even though I have so many disagreements with it.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s not about church.\u00a0 It\u2019s not even about God, really.\u00a0 It\u2019s about us.\u00a0 It\u2019s about struggling with the very idea of our existence and coming to terms with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat for a moment trying to decide how far I wanted to take this.<\/p>\n
\u201cI struggle daily with whether I believe or not.\u00a0 I struggle daily with whether I want to be Catholic.\u00a0 There is a lot wrong with religion.\u00a0 Many of the world\u2019s biggest problems have come about because of how man deals with religion.\u00a0 But, religion has also given us some of the most profound philosophical thoughts on the meaning of life, on our very existence.\u00a0 It has given us metaphors and symbols that have the power to transform a broken heart into a Saint.\u00a0 In many ways, it was my struggle with religion and God that made it possible for you to be my son.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe truth is, Andrew, I take you to church with me because we\u2019re a family, not because I want you to be Catholic.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really care what you decide to believe.\u00a0 It\u2019s really not important to me what religion you choose or if you even choose one at all. What I want for you is that you look at the world with awe and wonder.\u00a0 I want you to see the miracles all around you.\u00a0 I want you to be stunned by the audacity of a morning sunrise.\u00a0 I want you to stare up at the night sky and be confounded by the impossibility of eternity and then I want you to ask, \u201cWhy?\u201d \u00a0I want you to struggle and wrestle with that question and keep asking it until you find the answers for yourself. \u00a0 Everybody chooses their own path: some after deep thought and contemplation, others by not thinking at all.<\/p>\n
Andrew was silent, and he didn\u2019t need to say anything.\u00a0 I could see he was thinking.\u00a0 I realized that I had no need to worry. His journey has begun.<\/p>\n
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