![\"\"](\"https:\/\/feedingandrew.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Grandmas-Cinnamin-Rolls4-2.jpg\" "\\"Grandmas")
<\/a>\n\tEva's Lemon Chicken <\/p>\n<\/div>\n
It should not have come as a surprise.\u00a0 After all, it\u2019s the question parents either dread will come too soon or, even worse, too late.\u00a0\u00a0 I really shouldn\u2019t have been surprised in what form the question came.\u00a0 After all, I have a Latino son and the Latino culture long ago converted virtually every part of the chicken into a literary and graphic representation of our human parts that God chose to cover with fig leaves.\u00a0\u00a0 Still, I hadn\u2019t been a dad for very long when Andrew decided to take our afternoon commute in a whole different direction.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad, I have a question,\u201d Andrew started off with what was his most common sentence starter.\u00a0 \u201cSon, I have an answer,\u201d came my predictable reply.\u00a0 What came next was not as predictable.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad, why does the rooster climb onto the back of the chicken?\u201d<\/p>\n
And just like that, I was engaged in my first \u201cfather and son\u201d talk about the birds and the bees.\u00a0 Well, the roosters and the chickens anyway.<\/p>\n
I knew this was a big moment and that NPR needed to quiet down so I could think about my reply.\u00a0 I also knew enough to only answer the question asked.\u00a0 Thus, I proceeded with caution and with what I thought might be an answer sufficient in breadth and scope.<\/p>\n
\u201cAndrew, do you know how baby chickens are born?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes, they come from an egg,\u201d he confidently answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that\u2019s why the rooster climbs on top of the chicken.\u00a0 It\u2019s how the chicken gets pregnant and has a baby chick,\u201d I answered, all the while fearing that this wasn\u2019t going to fly.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, but how does the rooster get the baby into the chicken?<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn\u2019t put a baby into the chicken,\u201d I started to say.\u00a0 Andrew cut me off, \u201cThen what does he do?\u201d<\/p>\n
This I knew.\u00a0 \u201cYou see, Andrew, we eat lots of eggs and none of them have chickens in them.\u00a0 They\u2019re just eggs.\u00a0 The rooster puts a seed into the egg and when the seed mixes with the egg, a baby chick starts to form.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of seed?\u201d<\/p>\n
My own oft given advice of only answering what they asked for didn\u2019t work in keeping the conversation short with Andrew.\u00a0\u00a0 Bravely, I forged ahead.\u00a0 I explained that males have special seeds inside them that have half of everything you need to form a baby.\u00a0 Andrew likes science and I spoke a little about genes and chromosomes.\u00a0 I also explained that the egg was the other half of the equation needed to form a baby\u2026 any baby.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, so that\u2019s why the male turtle climbs on the female turtles back too?\u201d Andrew asked as he started to connect the dots.\u00a0 He sat quietly for a moment and I thought I was out of the woods.\u00a0 Then Andrew came out with what he must have been wondering all along, \u201cDad, I get it, but how exactly does the rooster get the seed to the chicken\u2019s egg?\u201d<\/p>\n
This was harder than I had imagined it would be.<\/p>\n
I started to see why my own parents had chosen to have \u201cthe talk\u201d by dropping off a series of books on my night stand, all with a variation on the same title: Dr. Spock Speaks to 6 Years Olds; Dr. Spock Speaks to 7 Year Olds, etc. The series went up to about 13 or so.\u00a0 I was around nine and read the whole series in just a couple of sittings.\u00a0 The next \u201ctalk\u201d happened when I was twelve and got my hands on a contraband copy of the infamous \u201cEverything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask\u201d by yet another doctor, only this one of dubious origins.\u00a0 Dr. Spock would have rated it a \u201cspeaks to 25 years olds,\u201d but I knocked that one off in one sitting.<\/p>\n
It turns out this last doctor was wrong about so many things, and it would be years before I sorted out some of the books more erroneous ideas.\u00a0 In one section he spoke about gay men having a \u201ccompelling urgency\u201d about their love life that was ultimately devoid of love, or as the kind doctor described it \u201cno feeling, no sentiment, no nothing.\u201d\u00a0 My twelve-year-old mind responded to this idea of \u201curgency\u201d by deliberately walking \u201ccompellingly\u201d slow everywhere I went so that nobody would find out I was gay.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I sadly wonder how the latter information may have affected me as I moved into young adulthood.<\/p>\n
Understandably, I wanted to get this right for Andrew.\u00a0 I was determined that he would always feel comfortable talking to me about anything and I knew this conversation was critical.<\/p>\n
However, that wasn\u2019t the only reason for my nervous concern.\u00a0 Long before Andrew came along, I had given up hope on ever being a father.\u00a0 I had come to terms with it by allowing the world to lead me to believe that I would not make a fit father.\u00a0 Now with this precious opportunity to raise Andrew, I wanted to prove that a gay man could raise a \u201cnormal\u201d child.\u00a0 If I screwed up the sex part, I felt I was in big trouble.<\/p>\n
\u201cAndrew, you know what a penis is, right?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes,\u201d came the quick reply.\u00a0 I could see him squirm just a bit out of the corner of my eye, and now understood why a friend had told me that all the most important parenting conversations will happen while driving.\u00a0 Hard questions can be asked and answered and you never have to look each other in the eyes.<\/p>\n
It was time to go for it, \u201cWell, roosters have a penis too (I was almost sure they do) and with that I launched into a discussion that led him through anatomy, biology, puberty, and every other Latin derivative important to the subject.\u00a0 We passed through all the bases and I made sure he understood how to get to home base. I\u2019m sure I did Dr. Spock proud, but baseball would never be the same for Andrew.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u00a0 I get it,\u201d was the extent of a reply that I got after all that work.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad, I have a question.\u201d<\/p>\n
Seriously; how long can a commute be?<\/p>\n
\u201cHow does the sound come on the radio.\u00a0 Where does it come from?\u201d<\/p>\n
Suddenly the conversation was over.\u00a0 However, I had one more point I needed to make.\u00a0 Perhaps the one point that had been pressing me most throughout the whole talk.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll tell you in a second, but first I want you to know something.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAll right, what?\u201d<\/p>\n
He was so over this conversation.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want you to know that you can ask me anything you want, no matter what it is.\u00a0 I promise you, Andrew, that I will always answer your questions and that I will always tell you the truth.\u00a0\u00a0 I really mean that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I did mean it and I can honestly say that I have kept my word.\u00a0 However, back then when I said it, I also knew that in the near future I was going to have to answer a much harder question that could shape the future of our relationship.\u00a0 I was Andrew\u2019s teacher when he came to live with me and second-grade teachers don\u2019t make a habit of coming out to their students.\u00a0 Andrew was now my son and this was a conversation that would yet have to take place.<\/p>\n
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My cafeteria manager, Eva, is a German immigrant as well as a passionate cook and we often spar over who cooked what on any given night.\u00a0 When she first came to this country, she was young and an orphan and when she was seventeen, she ran away from her older brother and sister.\u00a0 A friend of the family told them that he would find her and somehow he did.\u00a0 She firmly told him that she was not going to return home.\u00a0 He was twelve years her senior and told her that he would adopt her.\u00a0 Her swift reply was, \u201cThe last thing I want is a dad, so thank you, but no thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine,\u201d he replied,\u00a0 \u201cthen I\u2019ll marry you.\u00a0 You will live with me as a friend, and you will legally be allowed to live in my house.\u00a0 You will go to school and finish your education, and I will give you a divorce when you turn twenty-one.”<\/p>\n
Eva agreed and they married. \u00a0For three months they lived as friends, but when he met a woman and told her that Eva was his daughter and not his wife, she became angry and frantic. \u00a0Eva decided on another course of action; they will soon be celebrating their 43rd anniversary.<\/p>\n
When they were first married, she was such a poor cook that she would make something in the kitchen and when it burned, she would just throw out the entire pan.\u00a0\u00a0 Eventually her husband caught on when he continually had to buy more pots and pans.\u00a0 With his help, she eventually figured it out and went on to become a great cook with a lifelong love of the kitchen.<\/p>\n
This past year Eva has relentlessly fought by her husband’s side as he battles cancer. \u00a0He’s doing much better, has regained much of his strength, and has a bright prognosis. I’m sure it’s due in part to her constant caring and love.<\/p>\n
When you hear Eva talk about her husband, her eyes still sparkle. \u00a0I have rarely heard a love story as inspiring as Eva\u2019s, and I hope all my talks about the birds and the bees with Andrew prepare him to someday have his own love story to share.\u00a0 Perhaps we should change the name from sex education to love education, because from a parental standpoint, that\u2019s really what this is all about.<\/p>\n
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